One of these days I'm going to learn how to scan magazine pages but until then you'll have to bear with me and put up with the dodgy photos.
This pic (along with the other pictures in this post) is from the May-June edition of Inside Out magazine. It's one of dozens of house/garden-type mags I've bought in the last 16 months, because when you're faced with an overwhelming house reno it's far easier to sit down with a drink and a glossy magazine rather than actually do any renovating.
As a result of all this magazine browsing I'm now quite well-versed in the art of design wank. And if you ask me, this pic is right up there with the best.
As in, it's fine if you don't mind grass seeds burrowing into the crotch of your undies while you sip your lemon barley water and nibble on a chunk of baguette (which I sincerely hope is made from organic, hand-milled flour or I want the cover price back).
And it's definitely not a problem if you don't mind being at one with the less cuddly of nature's offerings (snakes, bull ants, centipedes, ticks, feral pigs, escaped serial killers etc).
But otherwise it's bullshit, isn't it? I mean, when was the last time you said, "Darl, how about we have a picnic in the middle of a field of really long grass? Go on, dare ya!"
Worse: Those rusty old French cafe chairs, which are a fiver a pop in their homeland, cost $160 each. The folding metal table is $1000. The skinny little cushions tied to the top of the chairs are $40 (yes, each).
Now for pic number 2, which provided a much-needed laugh-out-loud moment after a morning of digging holes with a pick axe:
It may look like a giant toilet-brush holder but it's actually a bathroom sink. It doesn't say in the ad if council-approved sink fencing is required, but considering the way little kids like to stick their heads in things, it's probably a good idea.
In the meantime you could always use it for your home brew or to bathe your pet rabbits.
Finally there's this picture, which is attached to a story about Patti Southern (the lady wearing the table cloth), who owns a retro furniture store in Sydney (as in, it's all original vintage stuff).
I know I've said it before but what is it with this retro thing? Why does only the really ugly stuff seem to survive?
I lived through the 60s and 70s and I know for a fact that if anyone had bought my Mum that hideous red and blue lamp, she would have beaten them to pulp with it.
Or dumped it in a field of really long grass. Now there's a thought.
16 comments:
loooooved this one, gave me a good laugh. however i do agree with you, who in their right mind would pay that sort of money for a tiny little cushion? i make my own. do they think we are all stark raving mad?
that dress is hideous, reminds me of granmas doileys, the lamp yuk!!
Is it that when we are in the middle of renos we sort of hope we will get inspiration from these mags?
A friend recently gave me some of those glossy mags, courtesy of her daughter who has more money than sense. Don't they just blow your mind. Do people really pay that much for household furniture and knick-knacks? It's rather obscene, isn't it, when there's so much financial trouble throughout the world lately.
As for the dress - words fail me.
Suzanne
Quite like the lamp I have to say. Not so fond of the crocheted dress.
Well the good news is my bunny, Fweckles, (Yeah I named her just like I named her brother who ran after less than 24 hours after we got him: Wiggles.) had baby bunnies about a month ago or slightly more so they are all at that stage where they're adorably cute and fluffy and lovable and so I'd like to bath them some time in that sink thingy (Which looks... freakishly abnormal to be honest.) but we're only allowed to keep 1 out of the 8 so uh.... I might need the sink for something else. (Washing away the SHAME and GUILT!......of breaking apart their family! What did you think I was going to do?)
Anyhoo, well hooray for your violent and sensible mother :) Things died out and became retro for a reason... except for video games. Retro video games are awesome! Went to Game Traders in Joondalup a while ago and words escape me. Haha I'm a nerd. I bought a game for SEGA! :D! I don't even own a Sega! The store was just that awesome! Nah my friend has a Sega so I got it "for him". As in "Let me play this!" I never got round to that...
And well hey, long grass protects you from predators. Sure, the table and chairs would take a lot of effort transporting and carrying and are totally overpriced. But you can just hide in the grass like a ninja and hunt/avoid being hunted while you eat :) It's very important to not be hunted!
Here's the rub: all that retro stuff would go really well in this house. But it would be like living in an episode of Leave It To Beaver.
"Design wank" -- love it! Right up there with "Catwalk fashion wank". Who in their right mind would wear that stuff, even if they had the anorexic figure to go with it?
And coffee wank. That's coming up soon :)
Michele, the best one yet, have been waiting for one like this and am not disappointed. Go on now and write some more like it
The uncomfortable metal set, the disgusting lamp and revolting tablecloth dress - worth $squillions.....don't buy the magazines, get them from your local public library and if they have an online catalogue order them before they hit the shelves....no cash involved.....terrific
Thanks Anon. The library's a great idea.
How about "Art critic wank" and "Wine conoisseur wank". I love reading the articles in the weekend papers. I picture them sitting there with their coffees, wondering what gibberish they can write this week? OR, scary thought, do they really believe what they write?
Suzanne
I just love that sink. I could use it with an oversize dunny brush for after my husband has visited the loo.
lol (as they say on all the really cool blogs). Maybe we could have Wank of the Week instead of Word of the Week. Gail, maybe you should give the dunny brush to your husband?
Damn, why didn't I think of that!
A very imaginative idea - husband with dunny brush.
This might produce a groan, but please tell me what lol means. I've obviously been under the proverbial cabbage patch when these short cuts were thought up, and by the way, I think you write too well to use them.
Gail, lol means laugh out loud, then there's rofl which means rolling on floor laughing, then there's roflmao which means rolling on floor laughing my arse off, then there's nlaaaptbs which means not laughing at all after painting the bloody shed.
T%hank you, Michele, I have been wondering for ages what LOL meant.
Please may I use roflmao....I have a lot of use for it when reading French magazines.
Lovely blog, thanks.
Thanks for dropping by Fly in the Web (what a great name). I'm heading over to check out your blog as soon as the kettle's boiled (I lead a very tough life these days).
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