The dog was doing this.
And this.
As you can see, she wasn't attached to my person by a lead. This was because we were the only living things in the park apart from the ducks.
And, as it happened, Crispin.
Crispin is a ranger. He has a stud in his left ear and drives a white van with the words "Eyes on the street" painted on the side.
Some people would think that if you drove around in a van with "Eyes on the street" painted on the side, you'd be a bit of a dickhead. But not me.
What I thought was: Why are you harrassing a golden retriever who wants to lick you to death? Why have I never seen you keeping an eye on MY street aka Hoon Hill?
Let me tell you something about our house on the hill: If the Lady of Shalott had enjoyed watching hoons in hotted-up Holdens and bogans in black utes instead of Sir Lancelot in his feathered helmet on his way to Camelot, our house is where she would've lived.
It has very big windows which afford excellent views of knights and hoons alike.
Sadly, unlike Sir Lancelot, the local love gods don't sing "Tirra lirra" down by the river. They play really loud doof-doof music instead and shout "Faaaaark" out of the windows when they become airborne at 100kmh.
I was going to tell Crispin all this but in the end I was too busy giving him my name and address.
And listening to his Lone Ranger-style lecture on the dangers of unrestrained family pets in deserted parks.
And wondering where Tonto was when you really needed him (with my luck, probably shouting, "Faaaark, Kemo Sabe" out of the window of a black ute somewhere down my street).
21 comments:
There's always one, isn't there!
Some people have no respect for the authority of others, and some, like Crispin (is that REALLY his name?), have no respect for their own authority. What I really mean is, once they have a bit of clout, they get too far up themselves.
Your doggie looks SOOO viscious, I'd be really afraid of him - not.
Love your blogs, please don't ever stop!
Suzanne
Yes! It really was his name - he had a tag on his shirt with Crispin written on it.
And thanks for your kind words. I love blogging. For the first time in ages I'm enjoying writing again.
Ffs wtf do u think ur doing u crzy woman!? lol u got owned by teh park dude roflcopter.
...Yeah I felt like speaking gibberish to see how much of that you understood:
My word, are you insane? She might try to make friends with the ducks or actually RUN on the grass! How dare you let your dog have freedom? You should be ashamed of yourself...
OK, you got me. What's ffs and roflcopter (a helicopter that rolls on the floor laughing?)
OK so you understand "owned" and "wtf"? OK good. Well FFS is rude (acronym for "For F--- Sake") and rolfcopter goes shwoosh shwoosh shwoosh of course :) Wow you understood Rofl (woo!) so yeah. Roflcopter is just plain "Rofl" with a copter added onto the end of it for... no reason at all really. If saying "Rofl" is to shorten the amount you type then why add something onto it to make it longer?
Suddenly it occurs to me that MAYBE (just maybe) the gibberish teenagers speak is NOT actually intelligent! Gasp! Whoda thunk it?
I'm another who's delighted to know you're blogging. I live in Tasmania and a friend who lives in Perth has supplied me with columns from the paper for several years. Please continue to blog - your humour is much appreciated!
Thanks Richard. I'm glad you're enjoying it and it's a real thrill to know someone who lives so far away has been reading my columns all these years.
Bilby: roflmao
Ha Ha,
Just had my 2 little dogs unleashed in our empty local park today.
They can be quite dangerous too - with all that leg lifting and tree sniffing.
Do you think Crispinable might be a word. Actually, it brings to mind a picture of him, a very hot oven and you (in witch outfit) wringing your hands and chuckling.
Cute dog.
Crispinable appeals on so many levels it doesn't bear thinking about. And funny you should mention the witch outfit. I'll post some pertinent pics tomorrow...
Great post - in my experience the officious ranger is a world-wide phenomenon, only in evidence when there is a soft target and never to be seen when there is something really amiss.
If it is not too far out of left field, how do you manage to respond to comments on your own page? I've not had much luck and I'd like to answer a couple of people who have taken the trouble to comment on my blog. The help dohickey is useless.
Thanks Michele.
Eleanor
Hi Eleanor,
You sign on to blogger, click on "comments" at the bottom of whichever post you want to leave your reply on (it will say "3 comments", "6 comments" or whatever) and write your reply in the "Leave your comment" box, just as you do when you comment on here. Good luck :)
Yeah, that brings up memories. A few years ago I walked with my ancient poor old dad (him holding onto me on one side and also clutching his walking stick) in Kings Park. Our 15 year old cocker spaniel wobbled next to us. He just started to recover from major surgery all bandaged up and limping on three legs. People stopped and pitied us. Then we noticed a four wheel drive coming towards us, the Ranger got out and booked me with a fine for poor old Alfie not being on a leash. I think he mumbled something about "three fines and he has to be put down"!
Onlookers started to laugh in disbelieve.
The Ranger has done his job!!
ha ha. The thing is, Carmen, to give the ranger his due, there was always the chance that Alfie could've head-butted him until his shins bled, tied him up with the bandages and then peed on his head. Or is that just wishful thinking on my part?
Krispin (or Crispin) is a real name, you nekulturny halfwit.
Enjoy your ticket. If you weren't so busy blatantly flouting the law yourself, maybe Crispin (who was just doing his job, rather well I might add) would have been watching your street instead of the park.
Also, how's the irony?
Nekulturny is an interesting word. I might use it for Word of the Week.
I agree with the comments on Worst Of Perth.
Between roflcopter and nekulturny, I've gotten my exercise for the day, tx
Anon: So, what are you doing here then?
Barb: Exhausting isn't it? I'm off to cook dinner.
And would you be the first to say that a Pit Bull off the lead is ok? Do you want legislation/council regulations written for specific breeds of dog then?
Or, by deciding to live in our society and accepting that there are laws and regulations, that they don't apply to you?
So, what are you doing about your inconvenience? Are you actually going to petition the council to take a different stance? Or just whinge on an ineffectual blog? Put up or shut up.
OK, enough nastiness from people who don't have the guts to leave their names. Comments on this post now closed.
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